How do you know when you've had enough?

How do you know when you're
through with infertility treatments?

How do you know when to stop?

When I first started on the
journey down infertility road,
I said "I will never do IVF. It's
too invasive."

Never say never!

Eight inseminations later and
at age 41, there I was in the
IVF clinic.

I only had a 10% chance of
10 % !!!

I thought I could beat the odds.
I kept thinking "If Christie Brinkley
can do it, so can I!"
(That's a whole other story now
isn't it?)

I didn't beat the odds.
We were offered donor eggs.
We flatly refused.
Years later, I doubted whether
we had made the right decision
to stop.

Eventually, I had a hysterectomy,
thanks to the terrible monster
called endometriosis.
Even now, years later,
I still feel grief.
I still feel that yearning for the
little baby girl I just KNEW I
would have.
How do you know when you've
had enough?
I have no idea.
You may never know either.


Dr. Deborah Serani said...

So very hard to make decisions when medical emergencies are in flux. But, you had to do what you had to do then. And I understand how you still grieve over what could have been, but isn't. I have worked with many women who have done similar things as you, and the work is never easy. So hard to witness the pain and angst, but it does help to heal the soul.

I wish you more peace as time goes by.


Anonymous said...

From someone that's been ttc for 8+ years... thank you. I needed to hear your words today before I threw in the towel.
I appreciate it.