Fears about assisted reproduction

I might pick the wrong doctor.

I may have waited too long.

It is my fault that my husband and
I can't conceive.

It is my husband's fault we can't
have a child.

They won't let me try IVF at all.

I won't be able to stand all the shots
and blood draws.

The retrieval may hurt too much.

I might not have any eggs.
My eggs might not fertilize.

They might mix the sperm up.

They might mix the embryos up.

They might give our embryos to
someone else without our permission.

I might have twins, one black and one
white, just like that couple in Europe.

If I use donor sperm, my husband
won't be able to handle it and we
will divorce.

If I use donor eggs, will I feel like a
"real" mother?

I'm afraid if I have too many
embryos, I will not know what to do
with them later.

I don't want to discard or "kill" our
potential child.

I don't want to give them up to
research. What kind of parent does
that make me???

I don't want to donate my embryos
because I am afraid that the recipient
parents won't be good parents.

If I donate them, will those children
look for me later?

Will I look for them later?

Will I be walking down the street and
see "my child."

What do I tell the children that I have?

Do I tell them that they have siblings
somewhere and I don't know where?

When they fall in love and get married,
will I be sure that they aren't marrying their
sibling (however remote that possibility is.)

If my "donated" children look me up
later, how do I explain that I got pregnant and kept
some of my embryos, but not them? 

If I used donor eggs or sperm, will
my family or friends judge me?

Does that mean I'm inferior?

Will my family accept my children?

Will I tell my children they were donor-conceived?

When will I tell them?

How will I tell them?

If I don't tell them, will they
find out anyway?

What happens if they accidentally
find out?

Will they reject my husband or I?

Will they want to look for the donor?

Will they think I was selfish to use
assisted reproduction to conceive them?

Will they feel different?

If I can't carry a child, what happens
if the surrogate doesn't want to give
the baby up?

I'm afraid, afraid, afraid.
I've heard the horror stories.

There is one thing to help me.
Knowledge is power. I will
learn everything there is to learn
and I will make sure that what I
learn is true information. Then I can make
correct decisions and I will be less afraid.
And I am not alone.

Thousands of others have done
this before me. I will learn from
them and lean on them.

1 comment:

Dr. Deborah Serani said...

Wow, As I read this list, I recall many of my patients who have said these out loud to me. The depression and anxiety can consume couples.