It brings out the hate

Hate is a pretty strong word.
But infertility is a pretty
grueling "adventure."

During treatments, a
woman can become so
tormented by all the
physical and emotional
things that are
happening, that it can
bring out the hate.

You will hate every
pregnant woman that
you ever see. And if there
are a million people walking in
the mall and only one of the
million is pregnant, she
will walk right in front
of your face.

You will hate it when
people say you will get
    "when the time is right"
    "if you just Reeelaaaxxxx"
    "when you stop trying"
    "if you go out and get
    "if you raise your hips
     on pillows after intercourse"
    "if you fill out adoption
    "if you take a vacation"

Yada Yada Yada

You will hate it
when you are invited
to a relative's baby shower
and she is having her
third baby.

You will hate the woman
who even has the
NERVE to say "All my
husband has to do is
look at me and I get

You will hate yourself for
all those years you used
birth control and you
probably didn't even need

You will hate your physician
when he tells you that you
have "advanced maternal age" and
you're only 37.

You will hate your physician
when he cancels your
cycle or tells you your
only hope is donor eggs.

You will hate him if he
can't tell you why you can't get

You will hate your
insurance company.
(No further explanation needed
on that one!)

You will hate your
period, every month.

You will hate the
nurse who does your
pregnancy test and
tells you it is negative.
You will want to RUN out of the
clinic. It will be intolerable
to stay there another minute.

If you do cycle after
cycle, you will gradually
come to hate the clinic
you are going to for treatment.

It may surprise you to
find that you are feeling
that way. You are not alone and
you are not a bad person for
hating. The hating is just
a manifestation of your
frustration. You have
every right to those

Nothing lasts forever.
Even your days of infertility
will come to an end. In one
way or another. If you
get pregnant, the hate will
go away quickly.

If you never get pregnant, the
hate will pass, but it may take
some time.

But know that it will leave.
And you will be OK.
I promise!


MarylandMommy said...

Well put!!! I am glad I never had that much hate. My infertility led me to my beautiful son who was adopted from Korea!!! Love your posts!!! :-)

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for writing that. I needed to know that I am not alone. Another Mother's Day approaches.